TEEN CHOICE AWARDS: FASHION WINS AND FAILS

I kind of hate to admit it but these sorts of posts are my favourite... That makes me sound like SUCH a bitch, right? Whatevs, the heart wants what it wants, and mine wants to slag slebs.

Sunday saw the return of the Teen Choice Awards and as usual there were some full-on fashion HUMDINGERS...

Cases in point:

FAILS

I'm sorry, but Selena Gomez really creeps me out you guys. Face of a five-year-old, body of a teen - it's JUST WEIRD. Besides that, this is a bad dress. It's a horrific colour, super boring and too tight round her middle. No jewellery? Really? Did you have ten minutes to get ready Selena, cos that's what it looks like.

You know, I really want to like Demi Lovato. She seems pretty down to earth, she's had a hard time of it lately and God love her if she isn't trying REALLY hard to rock this ridiculous dress. I really don't know what to say... I mean, I like her hair and her shoes but the insane dress is totally overpowering her. Shame.

 

What the...? No. Is this dress from Coast? Turquoise taffeta?? And those two wee braids, I literally remember wearing my hair like this for the entirety of primary 7, and Nina this isn't a good thing - especially when you already look totes wimpy and childlike. BLAH in the extreme.

I think it's the 90s hairdo more than anything else that ruins this look for me. If Carly had put it up in a topknot, ditched those shoes for something strappy and thrown away that hideous clutch it might have worked. As it is she looks like someone's moderately-attractive Mom. (Also, hunchback much?)

Surely Taylor Swift isn't wearing something cream, flowy and bridal on the red carpet again?! Oh, she is? YAAWWWWWWWWWWWN.

Zooey Deschanel's face. Can we all just take a minute to talk about the BLATANT plastic surgery she's had done here? Those lips... That creepy stare... What happened to everyone's favourite kooky, lovable girl-geek? Seriously, have a look at this site for the close ups and before and after pics. Anyone with EYES can see she's had something injected into her lips, and I don't think this is new either - I've been saying for ages that on New Girl they've slowly been getting bigger and bigger. Utterly shameful, she was gorgeous before. I'm super disappointed in her and I've lost any respect I used to have for her whole quirky-girl image thing.  So, aye, nice dress Zooey but take yer collagen and bolt.

I don't know why Kendall and Kylie are looking so smug in these boring dresses. Navy blue? Maroon? High-necked? NO. Also, I'm sorry Kylie but those extensions are out of control...

JoJo stopped by on her way to Sugar Cube! Seriously, this is JoJo. Remember her?! I'm kind of ashamed to say I do... Who will randomly pop up next, Stacy Orrico? Vanessa Carlton? Lolz! God, takes me back... I guess she must be relevant now, maybe in some kind of teen drama that I've not heard of because I'm an old wummin, but I'll always remember her from the days of Leave (Get Out) circa 2003. Good times! Anyway, JoJo's skirt is ho-bag short and she looks like she's about to beat me up. I guess it's not THAT offensive though, the more I look at it. But maybe ease up on the black dye-job and get yer split ends trimmed.

Holy crap, Jordin Sparks, is this a bad beach cover-up? The black is too harsh, it's too short and too low cut (always one or the other, duh!) and why the purple shoes? What's that all about?

Thankfully though, there were some who managed to pull the whole horrible thing back from the brink of fashion oblivion...

WINS

BIGGEST SHOCK EVER! A photo of KStew looking at least MILDLY comfortable in her own skin, absolutely rocking that patterned blazer and pointy stilettos. Genuinely never thought she had it in her, well done pal!

Lea Michelle always leans for the slightly slutty and we just need to let her get on with it. Let's face it, we all know a girl like this, and it's not fair to hate just cos she loves to get her legs oot and slap on the tan. This is actually a really nice dress which fits her perfectly, plus I like her loose waves, pared down makeup and side parting. Overall, a win - possibly her first.

Love this because it's sort of fugly. It probably shouldn't work at all - olive green, sicky yellow and brown? But, I have to admit, on zoe Saldana's skin tone these colours look fantastic. Also, it's a brave wummin (or an extremely thin one) who is comfortable adding volume round the hips and ass, but Zoe gets away with it because she's so waif-like.

Whoever you are, I love the colour of your dress. I'm a huge fan of orange on the red carpet and this is the right way to rock an extremely tricky colour. Interesting neckline, relaxed hair and gold accessories. I like.

Arty, you're WALKING!!!! OK, no, but seriously, I love Kevin McHale's swag! Must take some balls to wear this, I mean it's a bit random, but just look at his wee face, he knows he's got it. In my opinion it's the shoes that make it.

This probably shouldn't even really be here since I'm kind of indifferent to the outfit, but I'm sort of a little bit maybe slightly IN LOVE WITH DARREN CRISS, so, whatever. He's a win. Also, his baby blue watch and pink sunnies make my heart happy. As does his grin... And his hair...

The ultimate of ultimate fashion WINS and WINS IN GENERAL. The return of No Doubt! Every single thing about this ensemble look is perfect, but in particular Gwen's sunnies and sleeveless jacket. Does she age at all? SHE IS FORTY FREAKING TWO you guys! What a woman. What a band. What a performance! The song I'm a little undecided about but still, who cares, they are amazing and that's that.

And here's one of my faves from Tragic Kingdom just for a wee Suicide Tuesday treat :)

OH MA GAHD, NEED!

It's been quite a while since something from Urban Outfitters has made me literally STOP IN MY FACEBOOK-CREEPING TRACKS and squeal the above phrase... Congrats Evil Twin outer limits skater dress, I'm officially lusting after you BAD STYLE!

Oh Hi, Mila Kunis?

Looks to me like it's velvet - double win - but it helpfully doesn't say on the site so I can't be sure. Seriously though, how amazing is this? I thought my love of galaxy print had waned slightly these past few months, but it was obviously just lying dormant. NEED. THIS. DRESS.

At £88 it's a bit of a splurge (Skintville, population: me) but if I don't get it I have a feeling I'll spiral into a pit of regret and depression and NO-ONE WANTS THAT, RIGHT? Right. It's getting bought.

Lots of love, your friendly neighbourhood enabler...

 

ETSY SPOTLIGHT: CALYPTE COLLECTION

Back in June I spotted this Vanessa Mooney necklace on the ever-stylish Morven's blog and fell head-over-heels in love with it. Like for real. It's all I could think about for weeks. HOW. SAD. AM. I?

But at over £200 it was just a tad out of my budget. OK, it was WAY out of my budget! Luckily for me I discovered Calypte Collection on Etsy, run by the lovely Carol, who, after a few emails back and forth, managed to cobble together this almost-identical necklace for £20!

The spikes are a little larger and I opted to have the smaller chain in gunmetal instead of silver, but it's sufficiently similar to the designer version to warrant some MASSIVE swoonage, right?

Carol emailed me a few other versions including this badass one which I ummed and ahhed about for a while... 

Awesome, right? But in the end I'm more than happy with the one I decided on. You should check out Carol's shop for more chunky chains and spikes if that's yer cup of tea, plus she's uber flexible and creative so if you have something specific in mind she'll knock it up for you no bother. Sawwted.

What jewellery have you guys been obsessing over recently?

LANA DEL REY FOR H&M

So come September, Lana Del Rey will be the new face of H&M's autumn collection. Interesting...

I have a  very weird love/hate relationship with miss Del Rey... Sometimes I think shes awesomely cool and kinda wanna be her, other times she makes me CRINGE so bad I can't take it. She's this odd mix of edgy and cheesy, no?  But here in these promo shots for the collection out in September, I have to say I think she looks fantastic. But then, I love a shameless bouffant and costume jewellery so I do...

Her hair. I need her hair.

Doing what she does best - 60s, pouty, sexy - I reckon she's nailed it. Judging from these pics (the only two I could find online) the fall collection at H&M is sure to include loads of pastels, angora and bling - luckily I can get on board with those. What do you guys reckon? Is Lana a good fit for H&M?

Here she is pretending to be Jackie O. I actually love the chorus in this song but I can't BEAR the bits when she does that stupid talking nonsense... "Money is the anthem of success..." AHHHH It's so awkward mate, just sing!

BIRTHDAY BITS

Here's a few snappity snaps from Saturday night - turns out turning 25 IS pretty awesome after all!

Taxi bants

Prosecco'd oot wur nuts

More bants 

Jenna and Nads subtly leaning out the way... NAHT!

Jimmy Choo! Fave perfume EVER!

I found a Spoon!

And a MINDTWIN!

Someone asked me on Facebook about my makeup and in particular the highlighter I was using, and actually, looking back at these pics I AM looking very GLOWY aren't I? I have to say, I do love me a bit of shimmer, although maybe I did go a tad overboard... Anyway, here's what I used in case anyone gives a tiny rats ass...

FACE

Rimmel Wake Me Up foundation - I've mentioned this before and it has now firmly become my new favourite 'going out' base. Blends like a dream with a medium to full coverage and hint of shimmer. Once set it stays put anaw. I opted for this instead of anything too mattifying since I'd decided that glowy and dewy was my makeup THEME for Sat night. Did I really just say that?

Accessorize blush in Sensation - A very pretty coral pink with a considerable amount of finely-milled shimmer. I often use this alone as a highlighter as you really have to sweep on a few layers to build up the colour, but on Saturday I used this primarily as a blush. FYI, these are widely considered dupes for the MAC mineralized blushers, and I've had this for months and months and barely made a dent. Worth the money. 

MAC Mineralized Skin Finish in Soft & Gentle - I'd neglected this baby for a while in favour of a more subtle highlight effect from the Accessorize blush alone, but on Saturday I really wanted to go all out. This gives a gorgeous flesh-toned highlight to the tops of cheekbones and brow bone, but it is definirely not subtle. I think I've said before it can verge on being slightly GLITTERY which isn't a look I'd like to channel since I stopped going to underage discos at my local rugby club THANK YOU VERY MUCH... But on a night out, if shimmer/glow is your thing you can't beat this for impact. A little goes a long way.

EYES

 MAC Woodwinked and Sable eyeshadows - Ahhh, now we come to my makeup Achillies Heel. To be honest I have no idea if these two eyeshadows are even "supposed" to be paired together given that tonally they are quite different (Sable - brown - left, Woodwinked - gold - right) but whatevs, I love them both so slapped em both on, somewhat haphazardly it has to be said. Woodwinked all over and into the inner corner and sable on the outside and in the crease. Again, these are both Frost finishes which means they are uber shimmery and I think it just about worked... Once I applied ten coats of liquid eyeliner and mascara that is.

LIPS

MAC Cut a Caper lipstick - my favourite lipstick, MAYBE EVER! A warm-toned coral, lustre finish which feels smooth and moisturising, that can be worn both sheer or more intense. I believe this was released as a limited edition shade in 2010 but has been released again with MAC's new Heavenly Creatures collection, which btw, is pretty freaking fantastic! It doesn't wear all that long but I kinda love applying and reapplying lipstick (weird) so it doesn't bother me, though it does mean I'm going through it at some rate. Must pick up another ASAP.

Topshop Lip Glaze in Laid Back - on the fence about this to be honest. It's very thick and gloopy, and the wand hardly takes out any product meaning you have to keep poking it back in again and again which makes this really gross THWACKING, sucking sound which kinda bokes me out. Also, it smells strongly like caramel which is more than a little overpowering, but I do like the colour and it stays on a long time. Hmm...

BODY



St Tropez self tan bronzing mousse - that's right peeps, I fake-tanned for the first time THIS WHOLE YEAR! The dress I was wearing was strappy and had a low back, plus I wore it without tights so quite honestly there was no way I was getting that much flesh out without some kind of tan to help mask my wobbly bits (ooh err!). The St Tropez mousse has never once let me down - the tan is green-based instead of orange-based so the result is a brown, olive tan and not that horrible shade of Oompa Loompa you see kicking about. It's easy to use for even a novice like me, develops over night and doesn't stink the house out. I know there are cheaper alternatives to this, but frankly I've had my fair share of tan disasters and just wanted something I could trust.

MAC Strobe Cream - While I don't like putting creams and lotions on my face after I've set my makeup, I still find Strobe Cream the best cream-based highlighter out there and I often use it on my chest and shoulders if I'm getting them out (fur the ladz). The effect is subtle in real life but it gets picked up particularly nicely in photos. I slapped this all over my chest, boobage, shoulders, collarbones and a wee bit on my back too and it just kind of blurred my skin a little and made me look like I was a pillar of glowing health instead of just recovering from a monster cold.

Soap and Glory glow lotion - I've never used this before but on Saturday my pal Marie came to mine first to get ready and I noticed her slathering this stuff all over her legs. It was promptly bumped and I'm definitely heading out to get my own bottle as soon as possible. Just a really lovely shimmering body lotion that smells of that delicious S&G scent and leaves a gorgeous shiny glow to yer pins.

So, aye, thats how I looked all sparkly and that on my birthday. Thanks to y'all who came out, bought me drinks, presents, onion rings, put up with my extreme drunkenness, and made me a mixtape and a collage of lusty lotharios entitled "Kirsty's Dirty Dreamboats." Hilare! Brillo night troops.



INSTAMADNESS

Jings, feels like it's been a while since we just kicked back and caught up!

This week I turned 25. I KNOW. 25! Believe me, the giant ticker to 30 has started counting down inside my head already... Every day it's looming closer! It's a strange feeling - in some ways I feel old before my time (I enjoy an early night and hanging out with my cat more than is probably normal), but in so many others I still feel like a teenager. Recently I've been feeling VERY gawky, unsure and anxious in myself and my decisions. I thought I'd grown out of my horrible emotional/social awkwardness that plagued my late teens and early twenties, but it seems to have come back with a vengeance. I hope this is just a neurotic glitch brought on by turning one year older and not a hint at things to come... Hopefully by 30 I'll have figured it all out!

Besides having a mini mid-life crisis, I also caught the Lurgy and lost my voice completely for three whole days which was pretty inconvenient to say the least. Other than that things have been quiet. I half considered it, but in the end I bailed out of TITP cos I couldn't really be bothered with it and none of the acts bar Florence really caught my eye. I DID go and see The Amazing Spiderman (in the midst of my voicelessness I might add, which caused minor mortification on my part) which was EPIC, despite a few cheesy lines... Spidey: I've been bitten. Gwen: Me too... BOKE!

 Here's a few Instagram snaps from the past wee while...

Oscar holding my hand, nighttime face routine, Chris Kane Galaxy tee, the cocktails that brought on the Lurgy.

Lurgy-busting homemade soup, me as a blonde, 90s choons, me in Topshop today...

Boy London tee and headphones - what a douche, creepers that cause car accidents, Oscar lounging, my dress for birthday drinks this Sat

Couldn't resist a wee MAC Heavenly Creatures collection splurge, philosophy book from my paw for my bday, Alexander Wang Rocco which is pretty beat up now, birthday balloons :)

Double-bagging peppermint tea, @WeirdHorse takes on Call Me Maybe, early night, Jayne persuading me that ABC is a good idea...

This weekend, if the lurgy stays at bay, I'm heading out for some birthday drinks with my pals. It's going to be EXTREMELY weird without Kirsten there... I've really been missing her y'all. I guess that's pretty pathetic but there it is :( I also plan to spend more of my birthday money on makeup and skin goodies since apparently I'm now obsessed, and hopefully get a haircut because it's out of control.

OH, THE EXCITING LIFE I LEAD!

Also, enjoy Lykke Li covering Fleetwood MAc's Silver Springs. I've been obsessed with this tune for ages now and I can't WAIT for the tribute album - Just Tell Me That You Want Me - featuring MGMT, The Kills, Best Coast and The New Pornographers, to come out in August. I still think this'll be my favourite though. Can't get enough of her... And have you seen THIS?! PLAN.