MET GALA 2013: PUNK!

Even if you didn't already know the theme of this year's Met Gala was PUNK: Chaos to Couture, you'd be hard pressed to miss the sartorial allusions on the red carpet.

Yay! A theme I can get on board with! Less restrictive than last year's Prada: Impossible Conversations or 2011's McQueen retrospective, this time the slebs and models could interpret the brief how they liked. Some went for literal, some obscure and some bonkers but, pleasantly, there were actually very few ABSOLUTE humdingers. I mean, there were one or two, obviously, (KIMMY K WHAT ARE YOU ALL ABOUT) but more on them later.

Firstly, though, the Winners...

Model of the moment Cara Delevingne rocking this Burberry studded number and heavy smoky eye. I would have liked to see her do something a bit more wild since she pretty much rules the fashion world right now and could easily get away with going ALL OUT, but this packs enough of a punch without being costume so it's a win overall.

Oh Rosie. I don't know if this really screams punk but it DOES scream sex and glamour, and I'm OK with that. #girlcrush

You know, I've been saying for AGES that there's just not enough CROTCH on the red carpet, so thank baby Jesus for SJP taking one for the team. SHOW. ME. THE CROTCH. Stop saying crotch.

She's been off the radar for a while being totally dowdy and, like, bringing up her kids or something, but here she is back with a bang and looking batshit-mental, airing out her nether regions. Love the headdress, love the dress, love the velvet tartan boots, LOVE A CROTCH. Please don't go away again Carrie... I mean SJP.

I've really been enjoying Katy Perry's look recently. Part Gothic Frida Kahlo in floral headresses, big earrings and black lippy, part punkish Baroque Catholicism with gaudy stained-glass imagery and mosaic sequins, she's clearly ALL OVER Dolce and Gabbana FW13 and it's doing loads for her credibility, fashion wise. Her choons are still gash. But, yeah, more of this please, less boobs and PVC.

SAKE MAN. I agonised over this for a while, because as much as I'd love to kick KStew inton the fail pile purely for her toe-curling perma-sour-puss, I find that the more I look at this Stella McCartney jumpsuit the more I warm to it. IT, not her.

It works on KStew because she clearly hates being thrust into fancy gowns for red carpet appearances (what doesn't she hate?) and so this is more casual, but still glamorous and grown up and chic. The colour and lace detailing work on her pale skin and coupled with that awesome eye makeup, as much as it pains me to admit it, it's a fierce look.

JLaw and Marion Cotillard playing it somewhat safe, and not particularly PUNK but looking absolutely gorgeous nonetheless. JLaw's effort is pretty straight-laced (ditch those diamond earrings gurl, they don't work here) but she's saved by a red lip and old-school fascinator. Same goes for Marion, but in her case it's the asymmetric hair and hem, and ace houndstooth stilettos (note the lack of platform - so in right now) that pull the look out of drabsville. The defining factor in both cases, though, is perfectly glowing skin. Never have I seen a pair of décolletages (even a word?) and shoulders looking so lovely and luminous. Pretty sure I sound like a creep here.  

There's nothing I can pick at about this look. I don't love the way Rooney Mara always does that stupid COY pose, but really, when she's as RED HOT as this who cares. She always looks stunning in Givenchy (and she ALWAYS wears Givenchy), and as a Ridcardo Ticsi muse and co-chair with him at the Gala, this dress is totally and completely perfect. Home run.

No doubt, Chungy looks darling here but I'm a wee bit disappointed she kept it as safe as this. Clearly she knows exactly what works for her and there's no denying this DOES definitely work, but it almost edges into a little boring for an event themed around PUNK, no? I think I'm talking myself out of this now. Still, it's better than last year's effort, though at least that was more of a statement. Can you tell I'm totes undecided about this?!

Way more 90s grunge than punk but at least Lily Cole broke the rules a bit and went for something slightly mental. I'm sure, had this been on anyone else I'd be dry boaking all over the shop, but as it's Lily and I love her I'm all err it.

 GASP! What is this, Ann Hathaway actually looking amazing?! It's been so long since she's looked half decent at any event that my eyes can scarcely believe this is the same Ann from the Oscars. Honestly, she's a stone cold fox here, and look at that wee smirk - she knows it! This is the way I want Ann Hathaway to look all the time - leave that auld woman with the inappropriate nips and mom hairdo at home next time.

And now, the fails.

 

Everyone's favourite BLIMP, Kim Kardashian continues her streak of maternity-wear fails in this floral monstrosity, complete with not-quite-long-enough-side-slit and built in gloves. Yes, BUILT IN GLOVES. I mean, I just despair. The sooner she has this baby the better for all of us, I can't take much more of this.

Oh shut up Miley.

As DARK as Swifty gets. Bored. What's with that hair? No. Just... No.

Why you gotta ruin a perfectly good dress with insane hair and makeup, Ginnifer? WHYYYYYY?! I usually love you on the red carpet and then you PUSH me with THIS? What were you thinking?! Aff it.

BAHA! The preppy flowing locks and mega-watt grin really clash with this edgy gown, which is 100% WEARING Allison Williams.

A bit heavy on the Batiste, Nicole hen? Sheesh! Fierce enough without the mad hair, a classic case of one step too far.

Bone-structure me all you want, Jessica Biel, you're still wearing lazer-cut leggings under that dress and a fake septum peircing. I'm laughing at you.

So those were my picks for Wins and Fails this year, but really, overall there were plenty more Wins I could have included - good game, guys. Good game. What are your thoughts?

BAFTA AWARDS 2013: BEST AND WORST

OHHHH I've missed this!

 

BEST

Marion Cotillard killing it in a svelter, more peplumy version of THAT Dior dress that JLaw so GALUMPHINGLY wrestled with at the SAG awards, except in a stunning lemon yellow which is by far the hotter hue. Combined with an orange lippy and statement necklace, Marion's the best dressed of the night for me. Obsessed with the design of that gown. Just total sexy genuis, no?

I know, I know, boring again but Anne looks genuinely pretty, relaxed and happy here. It's a nice change as I feel like I've been seeing her look a bit PINCHED and uncomfortable recently. Stop losing so much weight Anne! Really like the shiny studded (?) detail on the Tshirt part of this Burberry Prorsum dress and I like that it stays quite cropped. Do I love it though? MEH. Nah.

Yay! Hurrah for a quality trouser suit! Not enough of these on the red carpet and I'm so glad it's Carrie... I mean SJP rocking this look. I normally hate a keyhole neckline detail but with the velvety fabric, choker-style necklace and freshly straightened hair (due a comeback?) this feels sort of 90s and I'm LOVING that retro vibe. I'm sure this look will divide critics but SJP the smize-master brought it for me. BAYUM!

Jessica Chastain looks like she's ACTUALLY glowing from within

here, no? It's weird, and amazing, and I love it! Electric blue taffeta (or whatever this is) is a hard colour and fabric combo to pull off without looking tacky and cheap, but Jess is winning with her big grin, 40s waves and alabaster skin. Wish she'd taken off those blue jewels though and just gone for white diamonds.

Hummed and hawed over this for ages but my wee soft spot for Amy Adams JUST edged this into a win. I'm not a fan of the big front split, but let's ignore that and look at the pretty lace and embroidery detailing. Glam and sweet at the same time. Like the ruby touch in her earrings but wish she'd gone for a bold lip.

FINALLY JLaw's got her mojo back! Sort of. Maybe? UBER Glum face, but digging that wet-look slicked-back hair and the jewelled Dior gown fits like a glove. Is it just me though, or is she looking a little on the skinny side? I've gone off her a bit recently if I'm honest. I used to think she was hilarious in interviews and stuff but now I feel she's actually a bit of a try hard. Still, I digress, she looks hot. Dressing well on the red carper is obviously an issue so well done.

WORST

Oh Sarah Silverman, I feel for you... Halternecks SEEM like such a good idea at the time don't they? Deceptive bastards. I've yet to see one halter-necked gown actually look GOOD and this is no exception. And all that rusching around the middle? NAW.

 

Caroline GHOSTFACE Flack in a boring, totally underwhelming dress that would have benefitted massively from a chic up-do. I find Flacky majorly offensive in every way and can't even continue typing words about her... 

HALTERNECK DIANA ROSS LACE INSANITY!!!!!

STUPID POINTLESS PINK HAIR TWIRLY ACT YOUR AGE!!

*screeeech* HOLDUP (nanananana). OK, I'm sorry, but WHAT? WHAAAAAT? What even is this?! Ignoring whatever's going on with the face, which is practically impossible as it's so captivating in its horror like a freaking motorway pile up, but for GODSAKE Claudia Winkelshite, brush your hair, take off your tights and put on a proper shoe, you're at the BAFTAs! Dress is disgusting, hair is a riot, face is out of control. I can't even deal...

The opposite of Marion's yellow Dior awesomeness. The cut is dated and the flashback makes the fabric look cheap and crappy. And please lob that awful Dune clutch into the crowd immediately. It's a shame because I see potential for red carpet glory in Andrea Riseborough but she can be very hit or miss. MISS.

Again, Gemma is a babe of life and can sometimes be SO GOOD on the red carpet but every now and again she'll go and do something stupid like this. I mean, WHY? I can respect a bold choice, but this is rubbish and does nothing for her bang tidy rack. BOO.

MARION COTILLARD - CRITICS CHOICE AWARDS 2013

Thanks to Mairead for the headsup over on Facedeath that the red-carpet pics of last night's Critics Choice Awards were up - GO GO GO!

I'm not going to waste any time on anyone else's dresses because, frankly, they were all a bit MEH... except from Marion Cotillard who was my favourite of the night and absolutely NAILED IT in this fabulous Zuhair Murad dress with Jimmy Choos and Louboutin clutch...

Just totally stunning, and I'm loving the hair too - making me rethink my middle part...

What do you guys think of Marion's dress, and did you have any other favourites from the red carpet? I also really liked Emily Blunt's white gown - even if it was a weird length - and slick 40s waves. She, like Marion, almost never gets it wrong. But don't get me started on Jennifer Lawrence and Elle Fanning...

SO EXCITED for the rest of awards season...

EMMY AWARDS 2012 - RED CARPET

As you probably all know, nothing fills me with glee more than scrutinising the red carpet the morning after an awards ceremony. Lucky for me, then, that last night saw LA play host to the 2012 Emmy Awards.

I always find the Emmys a bit of a weird one. It lacks the drama and clout of the Oscars and Golden Globes and that normally means the slebs can get a bit mixed up about just HOW glam to go. This year though, most went very glam indeed, and although I expected loads of crashing humdingers, boringly, mostly all WERKED IT.

I've organised this one by colour just cos I bloody well can.

YELLOW

Claire Danes - Lanvin

Aww my lovely, preggo Claire Danes! This is a bold-but-beautiful colour and comfortable-looking fit for someone with a bun in the oven like my fictional best pal Claire. If I were being uber picky I'd say it looks like her blow-dry's fallen a bit since she probably had it done hours before, and it could do with some jzoojzing (?!) but I'm NOT that picky, especially when it comes to Claire Danes who can do no wrong whatsoever. Love her. Best dressed of the night.

Kaley Cuoco - Angel Sanchez

Her offa Big Bang looking smug in a yellow peplum number by a designer I've never heard of. Actually I quite like the shape of it despite its fussyness, but it's verging slightly on the mustard side of yellow which is not cool. Not in the slightest. As it is, it's not bad but I think she could do better.  

Julianne Moore - Dior Couture

Love it, love it, LOVE IT! Julianne is another one that really can't do any wrong in my eyes and this is just one more example of why she's so darn fabulous (see previous examples including THAT Bulgari campaign). High neck, long sleeves, sherbet lemon colour - this is how you make a statement. Also, does she ever age?! Naw.

Hannah Simone - Emilio Pucci

Three words spring to mind... BAD PROM DRESS. I love her as Cece on New Girl as well, but I'm afraid Hannah Simone looks utterly terrible here. The single strap thing is weird, the split is too high and too tight across her thigh, there's too much fabric at the bottom and she's got some sort of dirty mark on the front. Also, TAN LINES?! No excuse. Bad effort for someone who's obviously got a bangin' rack and really should know how to show it off by now.

ORANGE RED AND PINK

Ginnifer Goodwin - Monique Lhuillier

Remember the first time Ginnifer Goodwin wore a bright orange frock on the red carpet? Everyone went batshit at how much she rocked what is always a notoriously difficult hue to pull off. But then, remember the second time? And then the third? I'm not exaggerating when I say that this has to be Ginnifer's fourth time (at least) wearing orange to a fancy do and frankly I'm fed up. I mean, YES the styling is perfect with her smoky eye, slicked side-shed, pewter earrings and bag, and strappy Jimmy Choos. But honestly I'm disappointed it's bloody orange! Come on Ginnifer, step it up.

Kat Dennings - J Mendel

Holy breasticles, Batman! Kat Dennings taking full advantage of that old mantra "if in doubt, get them out" in spectacular style. I really like this. Why shouldn't she air out her chebs for the night? No one complains when Christina Hendricks' humungous bosom is all up in everyone's face! I like the drapey nature of the dress but I wish it was a bit more of a vivid red to match her trademark lipstick... But we're not really looking at her lips, are we?

Mayim Bialik - Pamella Roland

Um, no. I'm struggling to find one nice thing to say about this frumpy, fussy, fugly mess. And it's too FRICKIN long! Hello, pet hate. I don't know what's going on with Mayim's Robocop hand either, but she's probably broken something which means I can't be too mean about it other than to say it clashes somewhat with the unnecessarily bling necklace, and to conclude with the opinion that this is a terrible dress and I wish I could unsee it.

Ashley Judd - Carolina Herrera

OH GAHD, it CAN get worse! I don't know why Ashley Judd is looking so self-satisfied here because she's clearly a prize choob. Her Jedwardish hairdoo is the least of her issues, what with that sickly colour of hideous taffeta panelling making me almost vom in my mouth. I hate a halterneck at the best of times, but throw in a pointless diamonique brooch and huge, distracting bow and I'm practically clawing my own eyes out here. Away ye go, Ashley, out my sight.

BLUE AND GREEN

Michelle Dockery - Louis Vuitton

Lady Mary looking every inch the English rose in this gorgeous royal blue shade. For me, this would rival Claire Danes' Lanvin look for best dressed of the night, were it not for the unfortunate creasing around the front bum area. Shame, and totes not her fault. Where is an assistant with a steamer when you need one?

Lena Dunham - Prada

LOLZ. I love Lena Dunham. I know Girls tends to divide opinion, and it's become kind of COOL to slate it with loads of folk describing it along the lines of  "a television program about the children of wealthy famous people and shitty music and Facebook and how hard it is to know who you are and Thought Catalog and sexually transmitted diseases and the exhaustion of ceaselessly dramatising your own life while posing as someone who understands the fundamental emptiness and narcissism of that very self-dramatisation..." But does Lena Dunham look like she cares what you think? No. For the record, I love it and find it UNCOMFORTABLY close to real life, but that's by the by. In this Prada dress Lena is almost unrecognisable as her character Hannah, and she manages to look positively chic AND badass at the same time. No mean feat.

Zooey Deschanel - Reem Acra

Thank God whatever lip filler/plastic surgery Zooey had (and she DID, don't kid yourself) a few months back has died down! She actually looks happy here, and well she might cos she's knocking this look out the park. THIS is what I wanted to see her in at the Golden Globes in January! Sigh. Never mind, she's back to looking cute as a button and I can sort of forgive her for her momentary lapse into self-consciousness. We've all been there.

Julianna Margulies - Giambattista Valli

Some may say there's too much going on here, and I thought that at first myself, but the more I look at this the more it grows on me (lulz, floral pun, what whaaat!). The print is intricate and beautiful, but simplified by the classic cut of the dress. The slicked back do is quite harsh on Julianna's features but I think the earrings soften it and overall it works.

Sofia Vergara - Zuhair Murad

I just honestly don't get this! On all the usual American sites this is being lauded as the winning look of the night with folk falling over themselves going on about how SECKSAY Sofia Vergara is in this bedazzled turquoise frock, which, by the way, has a huge cut out panel on the back so you can practically see ass cleavage. For me this is the HEIGHT of tack. Sofia is always one for the bling and a tonne of slap, but this is an extraordinarily hideous dress to pair with all that additional WAGGYNESS. Also, she's 40. I'd never dispute that she's got a hell of a body for her age, but do I want to see her ass crack? No. Just classless and tacky and horrible.

NEUTRAL

Lucy Liu - Atelier Versace

Finally someone busted out the Atelier Versace! In the absence of Angelina Jolie it was up to Lucy Liu to bring out the big guns. I had hoped it would be my love January Jones to don the coveted AV frock, but Lucy does just as good a job as anyone in this mad silver number. A bit, um, robotic for the Emmys maybe? Perhaps, but I love a risky look and I've missed Lucy Liu on the red carpet cos she really is a stunna. Win.

Connie Britton - Andrew GN

I don't know who you are, Connie Britton, but I feel for you. As a mature lady, halternecks are not your friend (they're NO-ONE'S friend) but especially not in what looks like that horrible jaggy lurex-type fabric or in a wishy-washy silvery grey. Not at ALL.

Christina Hendricks - Christian Siriano

Werk it, werk it, werk it! If it ain't broke don't fix it, and there ain't nothing broke about Christina Hendricks' classic hourglass shape. I really love this champagne colour on Christina as it allows for all the attention on her boobs, hair and lips, and with boobs, hair and lips like those that's where you'd want it to be, right? The belt (a bit of a trend on the night) adds some casual interest at the waist but with Christina it's all about that million-dollar silhouette and she is WERKING IT.

BLACK

Amy Poehler - Stella McCartney

Another wummin I've never heard of in a shiny halterneck. What's going on?! Am I alone in my hatred for them? Nothing really THAT wrong with this look except that I hate halternecks and I'm sick of seeing them. Eeew.

January Jones - Zac Posen

Here she is, my love! Looking drop dead gorgeous in this Gothic Zac Posen showstopper, it's a magnificent return to form for JJ who, after dropping a baba, slightly lost her edge. She's always the one I wait to see on the red carpet because she (more often than not) ALWAYS looks the best, bar none. While I do still love the simplicity of Claire Danes' yellow gown, this look on JJ is a very close second to my favourite of the night, and may just be my fave look on her from the past few awards seasons. I'll never understand why she's so underrated.

Well that was that. Less scope to take the piss as there was at the Teen Choice Awards, and generally everyone did pretty well. I just CAN'T ABIDE a halterneck! Gross! Have I been unfair? Have I missed anyone out? Besides the obvious (Nicole Kidman) cos I couldn't even bear to have the picture on here.