As you probably all know, nothing fills me with glee more than scrutinising the red carpet the morning after an awards ceremony. Lucky for me, then, that last night saw LA play host to the 2012 Emmy Awards.
I always find the Emmys a bit of a weird one. It lacks the drama and clout of the Oscars and Golden Globes and that normally means the slebs can get a bit mixed up about just HOW glam to go. This year though, most went very glam indeed, and although I expected loads of crashing humdingers, boringly, mostly all WERKED IT.
I've organised this one by colour just cos I bloody well can.
Claire Danes - Lanvin
Aww my lovely, preggo Claire Danes! This is a bold-but-beautiful colour and comfortable-looking fit for someone with a bun in the oven like my fictional best pal Claire. If I were being uber picky I'd say it looks like her blow-dry's fallen a bit since she probably had it done hours before, and it could do with some jzoojzing (?!) but I'm NOT that picky, especially when it comes to Claire Danes who can do no wrong whatsoever. Love her. Best dressed of the night.
Kaley Cuoco - Angel Sanchez
Her offa Big Bang looking smug in a yellow peplum number by a designer I've never heard of. Actually I quite like the shape of it despite its fussyness, but it's verging slightly on the mustard side of yellow which is not cool. Not in the slightest. As it is, it's not bad but I think she could do better.
Julianne Moore - Dior Couture
Love it, love it, LOVE IT! Julianne is another one that really can't do any wrong in my eyes and this is just one more example of why she's so darn fabulous (see previous examples including THAT Bulgari campaign). High neck, long sleeves, sherbet lemon colour - this is how you make a statement. Also, does she ever age?! Naw.
Hannah Simone - Emilio Pucci
Three words spring to mind... BAD PROM DRESS. I love her as Cece on New Girl as well, but I'm afraid Hannah Simone looks utterly terrible here. The single strap thing is weird, the split is too high and too tight across her thigh, there's too much fabric at the bottom and she's got some sort of dirty mark on the front. Also, TAN LINES?! No excuse. Bad effort for someone who's obviously got a bangin' rack and really should know how to show it off by now.
ORANGE RED AND PINK
Ginnifer Goodwin - Monique Lhuillier
Remember the first time Ginnifer Goodwin wore a bright orange frock on the red carpet? Everyone went batshit at how much she rocked what is always a notoriously difficult hue to pull off. But then, remember the second time? And then the third? I'm not exaggerating when I say that this has to be Ginnifer's fourth time (at least) wearing orange to a fancy do and frankly I'm fed up. I mean, YES the styling is perfect with her smoky eye, slicked side-shed, pewter earrings and bag, and strappy Jimmy Choos. But honestly I'm disappointed it's bloody orange! Come on Ginnifer, step it up.
Kat Dennings - J Mendel
Holy breasticles, Batman! Kat Dennings taking full advantage of that old mantra "if in doubt, get them out" in spectacular style. I really like this. Why shouldn't she air out her chebs for the night? No one complains when Christina Hendricks' humungous bosom is all up in everyone's face! I like the drapey nature of the dress but I wish it was a bit more of a vivid red to match her trademark lipstick... But we're not really looking at her lips, are we?
Mayim Bialik - Pamella Roland
Um, no. I'm struggling to find one nice thing to say about this frumpy, fussy, fugly mess. And it's too FRICKIN long! Hello, pet hate. I don't know what's going on with Mayim's Robocop hand either, but she's probably broken something which means I can't be too mean about it other than to say it clashes somewhat with the unnecessarily bling necklace, and to conclude with the opinion that this is a terrible dress and I wish I could unsee it.
Ashley Judd - Carolina Herrera
OH GAHD, it CAN get worse! I don't know why Ashley Judd is looking so self-satisfied here because she's clearly a prize choob. Her Jedwardish hairdoo is the least of her issues, what with that sickly colour of hideous taffeta panelling making me almost vom in my mouth. I hate a halterneck at the best of times, but throw in a pointless diamonique brooch and huge, distracting bow and I'm practically clawing my own eyes out here. Away ye go, Ashley, out my sight.
BLUE AND GREEN
Michelle Dockery - Louis Vuitton
Lady Mary looking every inch the English rose in this gorgeous royal blue shade. For me, this would rival Claire Danes' Lanvin look for best dressed of the night, were it not for the unfortunate creasing around the front bum area. Shame, and totes not her fault. Where is an assistant with a steamer when you need one?
Lena Dunham - Prada
LOLZ. I love Lena Dunham. I know Girls tends to divide opinion, and it's become kind of COOL to slate it with loads of folk describing it along the lines of "a television program about the children of wealthy famous people and shitty music and Facebook and how hard it is to know who you are and Thought Catalog and sexually transmitted diseases and the exhaustion of ceaselessly dramatising your own life while posing as someone who understands the fundamental emptiness and narcissism of that very self-dramatisation..." But does Lena Dunham look like she cares what you think? No. For the record, I love it and find it UNCOMFORTABLY close to real life, but that's by the by. In this Prada dress Lena is almost unrecognisable as her character Hannah, and she manages to look positively chic AND badass at the same time. No mean feat.
Zooey Deschanel - Reem Acra
Thank God whatever lip filler/plastic surgery Zooey had (and she DID, don't kid yourself) a few months back has died down! She actually looks happy here, and well she might cos she's knocking this look out the park. THIS is what I wanted to see her in at the Golden Globes in January! Sigh. Never mind, she's back to looking cute as a button and I can sort of forgive her for her momentary lapse into self-consciousness. We've all been there.
Julianna Margulies - Giambattista Valli
Some may say there's too much going on here, and I thought that at first myself, but the more I look at this the more it grows on me (lulz, floral pun, what whaaat!). The print is intricate and beautiful, but simplified by the classic cut of the dress. The slicked back do is quite harsh on Julianna's features but I think the earrings soften it and overall it works.
Sofia Vergara - Zuhair Murad
I just honestly don't get this! On all the usual American sites this is being lauded as the winning look of the night with folk falling over themselves going on about how SECKSAY Sofia Vergara is in this bedazzled turquoise frock, which, by the way, has a huge cut out panel on the back so you can practically see ass cleavage. For me this is the HEIGHT of tack. Sofia is always one for the bling and a tonne of slap, but this is an extraordinarily hideous dress to pair with all that additional WAGGYNESS. Also, she's 40. I'd never dispute that she's got a hell of a body for her age, but do I want to see her ass crack? No. Just classless and tacky and horrible.
Lucy Liu - Atelier Versace
Finally someone busted out the Atelier Versace! In the absence of Angelina Jolie it was up to Lucy Liu to bring out the big guns. I had hoped it would be my love January Jones to don the coveted AV frock, but Lucy does just as good a job as anyone in this mad silver number. A bit, um, robotic for the Emmys maybe? Perhaps, but I love a risky look and I've missed Lucy Liu on the red carpet cos she really is a stunna. Win.
Connie Britton - Andrew GN
I don't know who you are, Connie Britton, but I feel for you. As a mature lady, halternecks are not your friend (they're NO-ONE'S friend) but especially not in what looks like that horrible jaggy lurex-type fabric or in a wishy-washy silvery grey. Not at ALL.
Christina Hendricks - Christian Siriano
Werk it, werk it, werk it! If it ain't broke don't fix it, and there ain't nothing broke about Christina Hendricks' classic hourglass shape. I really love this champagne colour on Christina as it allows for all the attention on her boobs, hair and lips, and with boobs, hair and lips like those that's where you'd want it to be, right? The belt (a bit of a trend on the night) adds some casual interest at the waist but with Christina it's all about that million-dollar silhouette and she is WERKING IT.
Amy Poehler - Stella McCartney
Another wummin I've never heard of in a shiny halterneck. What's going on?! Am I alone in my hatred for them? Nothing really THAT wrong with this look except that I hate halternecks and I'm sick of seeing them. Eeew.
January Jones - Zac Posen
Here she is, my love! Looking drop dead gorgeous in this Gothic Zac Posen showstopper, it's a magnificent return to form for JJ who, after dropping a baba, slightly lost her edge. She's always the one I wait to see on the red carpet because she (more often than not) ALWAYS looks the best, bar none. While I do still love the simplicity of Claire Danes' yellow gown, this look on JJ is a very close second to my favourite of the night, and may just be my fave look on her from the past few awards seasons. I'll never understand why she's so underrated.
Well that was that. Less scope to take the piss as there was at the Teen Choice Awards, and generally everyone did pretty well. I just CAN'T ABIDE a halterneck! Gross! Have I been unfair? Have I missed anyone out? Besides the obvious (Nicole Kidman) cos I couldn't even bear to have the picture on here.