TEEN CHOICE AWARDS: FASHION WINS AND FAILS

I kind of hate to admit it but these sorts of posts are my favourite... That makes me sound like SUCH a bitch, right? Whatevs, the heart wants what it wants, and mine wants to slag slebs.

Sunday saw the return of the Teen Choice Awards and as usual there were some full-on fashion HUMDINGERS...

Cases in point:

FAILS

I'm sorry, but Selena Gomez really creeps me out you guys. Face of a five-year-old, body of a teen - it's JUST WEIRD. Besides that, this is a bad dress. It's a horrific colour, super boring and too tight round her middle. No jewellery? Really? Did you have ten minutes to get ready Selena, cos that's what it looks like.

You know, I really want to like Demi Lovato. She seems pretty down to earth, she's had a hard time of it lately and God love her if she isn't trying REALLY hard to rock this ridiculous dress. I really don't know what to say... I mean, I like her hair and her shoes but the insane dress is totally overpowering her. Shame.

 

What the...? No. Is this dress from Coast? Turquoise taffeta?? And those two wee braids, I literally remember wearing my hair like this for the entirety of primary 7, and Nina this isn't a good thing - especially when you already look totes wimpy and childlike. BLAH in the extreme.

I think it's the 90s hairdo more than anything else that ruins this look for me. If Carly had put it up in a topknot, ditched those shoes for something strappy and thrown away that hideous clutch it might have worked. As it is she looks like someone's moderately-attractive Mom. (Also, hunchback much?)

Surely Taylor Swift isn't wearing something cream, flowy and bridal on the red carpet again?! Oh, she is? YAAWWWWWWWWWWWN.

Zooey Deschanel's face. Can we all just take a minute to talk about the BLATANT plastic surgery she's had done here? Those lips... That creepy stare... What happened to everyone's favourite kooky, lovable girl-geek? Seriously, have a look at this site for the close ups and before and after pics. Anyone with EYES can see she's had something injected into her lips, and I don't think this is new either - I've been saying for ages that on New Girl they've slowly been getting bigger and bigger. Utterly shameful, she was gorgeous before. I'm super disappointed in her and I've lost any respect I used to have for her whole quirky-girl image thing.  So, aye, nice dress Zooey but take yer collagen and bolt.

I don't know why Kendall and Kylie are looking so smug in these boring dresses. Navy blue? Maroon? High-necked? NO. Also, I'm sorry Kylie but those extensions are out of control...

JoJo stopped by on her way to Sugar Cube! Seriously, this is JoJo. Remember her?! I'm kind of ashamed to say I do... Who will randomly pop up next, Stacy Orrico? Vanessa Carlton? Lolz! God, takes me back... I guess she must be relevant now, maybe in some kind of teen drama that I've not heard of because I'm an old wummin, but I'll always remember her from the days of Leave (Get Out) circa 2003. Good times! Anyway, JoJo's skirt is ho-bag short and she looks like she's about to beat me up. I guess it's not THAT offensive though, the more I look at it. But maybe ease up on the black dye-job and get yer split ends trimmed.

Holy crap, Jordin Sparks, is this a bad beach cover-up? The black is too harsh, it's too short and too low cut (always one or the other, duh!) and why the purple shoes? What's that all about?

Thankfully though, there were some who managed to pull the whole horrible thing back from the brink of fashion oblivion...

WINS

BIGGEST SHOCK EVER! A photo of KStew looking at least MILDLY comfortable in her own skin, absolutely rocking that patterned blazer and pointy stilettos. Genuinely never thought she had it in her, well done pal!

Lea Michelle always leans for the slightly slutty and we just need to let her get on with it. Let's face it, we all know a girl like this, and it's not fair to hate just cos she loves to get her legs oot and slap on the tan. This is actually a really nice dress which fits her perfectly, plus I like her loose waves, pared down makeup and side parting. Overall, a win - possibly her first.

Love this because it's sort of fugly. It probably shouldn't work at all - olive green, sicky yellow and brown? But, I have to admit, on zoe Saldana's skin tone these colours look fantastic. Also, it's a brave wummin (or an extremely thin one) who is comfortable adding volume round the hips and ass, but Zoe gets away with it because she's so waif-like.

Whoever you are, I love the colour of your dress. I'm a huge fan of orange on the red carpet and this is the right way to rock an extremely tricky colour. Interesting neckline, relaxed hair and gold accessories. I like.

Arty, you're WALKING!!!! OK, no, but seriously, I love Kevin McHale's swag! Must take some balls to wear this, I mean it's a bit random, but just look at his wee face, he knows he's got it. In my opinion it's the shoes that make it.

This probably shouldn't even really be here since I'm kind of indifferent to the outfit, but I'm sort of a little bit maybe slightly IN LOVE WITH DARREN CRISS, so, whatever. He's a win. Also, his baby blue watch and pink sunnies make my heart happy. As does his grin... And his hair...

The ultimate of ultimate fashion WINS and WINS IN GENERAL. The return of No Doubt! Every single thing about this ensemble look is perfect, but in particular Gwen's sunnies and sleeveless jacket. Does she age at all? SHE IS FORTY FREAKING TWO you guys! What a woman. What a band. What a performance! The song I'm a little undecided about but still, who cares, they are amazing and that's that.

And here's one of my faves from Tragic Kingdom just for a wee Suicide Tuesday treat :)