Tuesday, 24 July 2012


I kind of hate to admit it but these sorts of posts are my favourite... That makes me sound like SUCH a bitch, right? Whatevs, the heart wants what it wants, and mine wants to slag slebs.

Sunday saw the return of the Teen Choice Awards and as usual there were some full-on fashion HUMDINGERS...

Cases in point:


I'm sorry, but Selena Gomez really creeps me out you guys. Face of a five-year-old, body of a teen - it's JUST WEIRD. Besides that, this is a bad dress. It's a horrific colour, super boring and too tight round her middle. No jewellery? Really? Did you have ten minutes to get ready Selena, cos that's what it looks like.

You know, I really want to like Demi Lovato. She seems pretty down to earth, she's had a hard time of it lately and God love her if she isn't trying REALLY hard to rock this ridiculous dress. I really don't know what to say... I mean, I like her hair and her shoes but the insane dress is totally overpowering her. Shame.
What the...? No. Is this dress from Coast? Turquoise taffeta?? And those two wee braids, I literally remember wearing my hair like this for the entirety of primary 7, and Nina this isn't a good thing - especially when you already look totes wimpy and childlike. BLAH in the extreme.

I think it's the 90s hairdo more than anything else that ruins this look for me. If Carly had put it up in a topknot, ditched those shoes for something strappy and thrown away that hideous clutch it might have worked. As it is she looks like someone's moderately-attractive Mom. (Also, hunchback much?)

Surely Taylor Swift isn't wearing something cream, flowy and bridal on the red carpet again?! Oh, she is? YAAWWWWWWWWWWWN.

Zooey Deschanel's face. Can we all just take a minute to talk about the BLATANT plastic surgery she's had done here? Those lips... That creepy stare... What happened to everyone's favourite kooky, lovable girl-geek? Seriously, have a look at this site for the close ups and before and after pics. Anyone with EYES can see she's had something injected into her lips, and I don't think this is new either - I've been saying for ages that on New Girl they've slowly been getting bigger and bigger. Utterly shameful, she was gorgeous before. I'm super disappointed in her and I've lost any respect I used to have for her whole quirky-girl image thing.  So, aye, nice dress Zooey but take yer collagen and bolt.

I don't know why Kendall and Kylie are looking so smug in these boring dresses. Navy blue? Maroon? High-necked? NO. Also, I'm sorry Kylie but those extensions are out of control...

JoJo stopped by on her way to Sugar Cube! Seriously, this is JoJo. Remember her?! I'm kind of ashamed to say I do... Who will randomly pop up next, Stacy Orrico? Vanessa Carlton? Lolz! God, takes me back... I guess she must be relevant now, maybe in some kind of teen drama that I've not heard of because I'm an old wummin, but I'll always remember her from the days of Leave (Get Out) circa 2003. Good times! Anyway, JoJo's skirt is ho-bag short and she looks like she's about to beat me up. I guess it's not THAT offensive though, the more I look at it. But maybe ease up on the black dye-job and get yer split ends trimmed.

Holy crap, Jordin Sparks, is this a bad beach cover-up? The black is too harsh, it's too short and too low cut (always one or the other, duh!) and why the purple shoes? What's that all about?

Thankfully though, there were some who managed to pull the whole horrible thing back from the brink of fashion oblivion...


BIGGEST SHOCK EVER! A photo of KStew looking at least MILDLY comfortable in her own skin, absolutely rocking that patterned blazer and pointy stilettos. Genuinely never thought she had it in her, well done pal!

Lea Michelle always leans for the slightly slutty and we just need to let her get on with it. Let's face it, we all know a girl like this, and it's not fair to hate just cos she loves to get her legs oot and slap on the tan. This is actually a really nice dress which fits her perfectly, plus I like her loose waves, pared down makeup and side parting. Overall, a win - possibly her first.

Love this because it's sort of fugly. It probably shouldn't work at all - olive green, sicky yellow and brown? But, I have to admit, on zoe Saldana's skin tone these colours look fantastic. Also, it's a brave wummin (or an extremely thin one) who is comfortable adding volume round the hips and ass, but Zoe gets away with it because she's so waif-like.

Whoever you are, I love the colour of your dress. I'm a huge fan of orange on the red carpet and this is the right way to rock an extremely tricky colour. Interesting neckline, relaxed hair and gold accessories. I like.

Arty, you're WALKING!!!! OK, no, but seriously, I love Kevin McHale's swag! Must take some balls to wear this, I mean it's a bit random, but just look at his wee face, he knows he's got it. In my opinion it's the shoes that make it.

This probably shouldn't even really be here since I'm kind of indifferent to the outfit, but I'm sort of a little bit maybe slightly IN LOVE WITH DARREN CRISS, so, whatever. He's a win. Also, his baby blue watch and pink sunnies make my heart happy. As does his grin... And his hair...

The ultimate of ultimate fashion WINS and WINS IN GENERAL. The return of No Doubt! Every single thing about this ensemble look is perfect, but in particular Gwen's sunnies and sleeveless jacket. Does she age at all? SHE IS FORTY FREAKING TWO you guys! What a woman. What a band. What a performance! The song I'm a little undecided about but still, who cares, they are amazing and that's that.

And here's one of my faves from Tragic Kingdom just for a wee Suicide Tuesday treat :)


Mairead said...

I LOVE THESE POSTS. YES. Totes ashamed to admit that I know everyone there.. Well, not personally obvs. The orange dress girl is Lucy Hale from Pretty Little Liars (who, coincidentally, I follow on twitter - CRINGE). This show is totally my guilty pleasure (along with all the other crap I watch) and she is in my Top 5 Fave Celeb Eyebrow List.

Anywho, yes AGREE WITH ALL. Even K Stew, who I normally think looks bogging. Pure cringe at Jordin Sparks - aye her body looks slamming but is that dress a 90s Jane Norman number? I'm the same with Demi Lovato - does not look right at all. I think the same with Selena too - she looks 13 and I do not think a 13 yr old looks appropriate in a dress that short. I do like Zooey's dress but her face does look totally frozen - hadn't noticed before. I'm kinda going off her too.. Like, she's trying so hard to be 'kooky' and 'quirky' that she's looking a bit like a tool.

Soz for the essay, I do enjoy a good bitchin' dress sesh. xxx

Kirsty said...

Mairead, it's like ONE MIND! I thought I recognised that girl from that show about the snooty girls and their ginger tutor that got cancelled after one series, but I couldn't be sure. Saw one ep of Pretty Little Liars and couldn't stomach it man...

But YES - Jordin Sparks' dress DOES look like an oldschool Jane Norman number! Lolfest! And I agree about Deschanel, especially now she's sold out and had work done. Forever a loser now.

Love your essay comments, keep em coming! :) xxx

Caroline said...

I'm amazed.. I think this is the first time I've liked Kristen Stewart's outfit! Love Gwen's look :) .. oh so many fails. What on earth is Jordin Sparks wearing?! Haha Selena Gomez really does have the face of a 5yr old!

Caroline x
Caroline's Catwalk

beewaits said...

EVERYTHING HERE. I love K.Stew, clothes, sad face the lot. She's one of my favourites. Also No Doubt because Gwen is flawless....and apparently had a picture of herself in an attic somewhere getting older and older. The entire band are ageless.
Also..kind of like Taylor Swift's dress, yeah boring and not for the red carpet hen, but perhaps a wedding or something. Zoe's lips and entire face make me sad, tres over-rated but girls got herself some nice shoes and a pretty decent clutch. I'm meh on the dress.

Everything else yes.yes.yes


Lipgloss Lily said...

Hahahaha, Jojo on the way to Sugar Cube actually made me laugh so much! I actually don't hate the outfit that much but she really could get the hair sorted!!
And Gwen is just the one! She'so amazing!

P said...

Ha yeah, thought the unidentified one was Lucy Hale too but a couple of comments above have confirmed it... she is so beautiful i just have the jealousies every time I see her, regardless of what she is wearing. Kinda the way I feel about Gwen Stefani actually....

I didn't even RECOGNISE Zooey! Bit disappointed in her. :-(

Sadie said...

I love these posts too! I agree with all your comments but the stand out fail to me is Jordin Sparks! Her dress is hideous!! I don't know what made her look at it and think "Ooh this dress is gorgeous, I will wear it to an awards show for the whole world to see"!

As for the wins, erm hello Darren Criss!! Such a hottie! :) xx

BeautyH2T said...

This post has MADE my day. Honestly woman you crack me up in the extreme- it is like you are reading the commentary in my head, these dresses are fug to the max I love it! And I love a good bitch about celeb attire- loathed to say Kstew looks fresh but she does, pretty sure Jojo must have been there to serve drinks or summit- why else could she possibly have been invited?? Demi lovato looks a like a mad max extra that was knock backed for looking too stupid, and big Selena- sweetpea did you find the shoes in tammys sale? Jings who dressed these people?

Sweetlord I love Daren Criss


Also when did Lea michelle break her leg??

Roisin Elizabeth Keats said...

Who's no in love with Darren Criss ;)

I actually love the dress Demi Lovata is wearing, just not actually on her... :/

And OMG YOU TOOK IT OUT OF MY MOUTH ABOUT JO JO. I literally looked at that photo and was like jeeso she's on her way to SugarCube or Subclud(is that still a thing?) unders :|

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