Tuesday, 7 May 2013


Even if you didn't already know the theme of this year's Met Gala was PUNK: Chaos to Couture, you'd be hard pressed to miss the sartorial allusions on the red carpet.

Yay! A theme I can get on board with! Less restrictive than last year's Prada: Impossible Conversations or 2011's McQueen retrospective, this time the slebs and models could interpret the brief how they liked. Some went for literal, some obscure and some bonkers but, pleasantly, there were actually very few ABSOLUTE humdingers. I mean, there were one or two, obviously, (KIMMY K WHAT ARE YOU ALL ABOUT) but more on them later.

Firstly, though, the Winners...

Model of the moment Cara Delevingne rocking this Burberry studded number and heavy smoky eye. I would have liked to see her do something a bit more wild since she pretty much rules the fashion world right now and could easily get away with going ALL OUT, but this packs enough of a punch without being costume so it's a win overall.

Oh Rosie. I don't know if this really screams punk but it DOES scream sex and glamour, and I'm OK with that. #girlcrush

You know, I've been saying for AGES that there's just not enough CROTCH on the red carpet, so thank baby Jesus for SJP taking one for the team. SHOW. ME. THE CROTCH. Stop saying crotch.
She's been off the radar for a while being totally dowdy and, like, bringing up her kids or something, but here she is back with a bang and looking batshit-mental, airing out her nether regions. Love the headdress, love the dress, love the velvet tartan boots, LOVE A CROTCH. Please don't go away again Carrie... I mean SJP.

I've really been enjoying Katy Perry's look recently. Part Gothic Frida Kahlo in floral headresses, big earrings and black lippy, part punkish Baroque Catholicism with gaudy stained-glass imagery and mosaic sequins, she's clearly ALL OVER Dolce and Gabbana FW13 and it's doing loads for her credibility, fashion wise. Her choons are still gash. But, yeah, more of this please, less boobs and PVC.

SAKE MAN. I agonised over this for a while, because as much as I'd love to kick KStew inton the fail pile purely for her toe-curling perma-sour-puss, I find that the more I look at this Stella McCartney jumpsuit the more I warm to it. IT, not her.
It works on KStew because she clearly hates being thrust into fancy gowns for red carpet appearances (what doesn't she hate?) and so this is more casual, but still glamorous and grown up and chic. The colour and lace detailing work on her pale skin and coupled with that awesome eye makeup, as much as it pains me to admit it, it's a fierce look.

JLaw and Marion Cotillard playing it somewhat safe, and not particularly PUNK but looking absolutely gorgeous nonetheless. JLaw's effort is pretty straight-laced (ditch those diamond earrings gurl, they don't work here) but she's saved by a red lip and old-school fascinator. Same goes for Marion, but in her case it's the asymmetric hair and hem, and ace houndstooth stilettos (note the lack of platform - so in right now) that pull the look out of drabsville. The defining factor in both cases, though, is perfectly glowing skin. Never have I seen a pair of d├ęcolletages (even a word?) and shoulders looking so lovely and luminous. Pretty sure I sound like a creep here.  

There's nothing I can pick at about this look. I don't love the way Rooney Mara always does that stupid COY pose, but really, when she's as RED HOT as this who cares. She always looks stunning in Givenchy (and she ALWAYS wears Givenchy), and as a Ridcardo Ticsi muse and co-chair with him at the Gala, this dress is totally and completely perfect. Home run.

No doubt, Chungy looks darling here but I'm a wee bit disappointed she kept it as safe as this. Clearly she knows exactly what works for her and there's no denying this DOES definitely work, but it almost edges into a little boring for an event themed around PUNK, no? I think I'm talking myself out of this now. Still, it's better than last year's effort, though at least that was more of a statement. Can you tell I'm totes undecided about this?!

Way more 90s grunge than punk but at least Lily Cole broke the rules a bit and went for something slightly mental. I'm sure, had this been on anyone else I'd be dry boaking all over the shop, but as it's Lily and I love her I'm all err it.

 GASP! What is this, Ann Hathaway actually looking amazing?! It's been so long since she's looked half decent at any event that my eyes can scarcely believe this is the same Ann from the Oscars. Honestly, she's a stone cold fox here, and look at that wee smirk - she knows it! This is the way I want Ann Hathaway to look all the time - leave that auld woman with the inappropriate nips and mom hairdo at home next time.

And now, the fails.

Everyone's favourite BLIMP, Kim Kardashian continues her streak of maternity-wear fails in this floral monstrosity, complete with not-quite-long-enough-side-slit and built in gloves. Yes, BUILT IN GLOVES. I mean, I just despair. The sooner she has this baby the better for all of us, I can't take much more of this.

Oh shut up Miley.

As DARK as Swifty gets. Bored. What's with that hair? No. Just... No.

Why you gotta ruin a perfectly good dress with insane hair and makeup, Ginnifer? WHYYYYYY?! I usually love you on the red carpet and then you PUSH me with THIS? What were you thinking?! Aff it.

BAHA! The preppy flowing locks and mega-watt grin really clash with this edgy gown, which is 100% WEARING Allison Williams.

A bit heavy on the Batiste, Nicole hen? Sheesh! Fierce enough without the mad hair, a classic case of one step too far.

Bone-structure me all you want, Jessica Biel, you're still wearing lazer-cut leggings under that dress and a fake septum peircing. I'm laughing at you.

So those were my picks for Wins and Fails this year, but really, overall there were plenty more Wins I could have included - good game, guys. Good game. What are your thoughts?


Unknown said...

you read my mind beeeatch you really do, i blimming love your commentary. Hathers tho eh what a turn up for the books.Good job Fantine, good job.

char said...

I never really bother with red carpet anything, and have no idea who at least half of these people are, but your commentary made me laugh nonetheless.

Naville said...

some great looks there

I have a giveaway running on my blog, I'd love it if you entered!


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